I almost forgot. Mad Libs were something the three of us had a whole lot of fun doing while on the trip. I meant to share some of them with you all a long time ago and just kept forgetting. So here you go. Here are some of the funny ones we did that I’d like to share with you. Watch out for the last one. Our minds got crazy and its a little R-rated.

1. Have you filled your car with  beer ?
2. Do you have the reservations for your room at the  sink ?
3. Are you taking your pet  tiger  in the car? If so, do you have plenty of  tiger  Chow for him?
4. Did you remember to pack all of your toilet articles, such as your  ovary  brush and your  foot  paste and your  gross  lotion?
5. Did you bring your tennis balls, your  football  racket, and those  smart  athletic shoes?
6. Have you got a map that shows all of the  grassy  roads and the places that serve  crabs  and have nice, clean  fishy  rooms?
7. Did you remember to bring your  czechoslovakian  traveler’s checks and plenty of money in small  boys ?
8. Did you remember to turn off the  San Francisco  and the  Chris  in the house?
If you answered “ Bonkers !” to these questions, you can leave at once.

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To be read by  Kelly  and  Ian .

Question: Now that you finally signed a  4.876 -year  streaker  with the Miami  testicles , how do you feel?
Answer: As I said to my  sweaty  friend,  Chris , it’s a  tiny  load off my  ring finger .

Question: Are you concerned about being able to replace one of basketball’s super  hair scrunchies ?
Answer: I only hope I can fill his  eyebrows .

Question: You set a record for scoring the most  bikini bottoms  in a single college  nailfile . Do you think you’ll have any trouble  stroking  in the pros?
Answer: My coach says that with my  slippery  speed and my ability to slam- climb  that I should score at least  2   lips  a game. I hope he’s in his right  Michael Jackson .

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Once upon a  pancake , there were three little pigs. The first little pig was very  fluffy , and he built a house for himself out of  spatculas . The second little pig was  hot , and he built a house out of  magnets . But the third little pig was very  crumby , and he built his house out of genuine  cats . Well one day, a mean old wolf came along and saw the houses. “ Damn !” he said. “I’ll  flip  and I’ll  flop  and I’ll blow your house down.” And he blew down the first little pig’s  teapot  and the second little pig’s  rubbers . The two little pigs ran to the third little pig’s house. Thereupon, the wolf began blowing, but he couldn’t blow down the third little pig’s  cupboard  house. So he  jumped  off into the forest, and the three little  doughy  pigs moved to Chicago and went into the sausage business.

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I was home alone and scared out of my  ass cheeks . I could hear the wind  shaking , and off in the distance a  testicle  was howling. I crossed the room, locked the  bra , and climbed into bed, pulling the  nuts  over my  nostril . Then it happened. I could hear a  tamborine   slapping  up the  fu**ed  stairs. My  anus  started to chatter and my knees were  shitting . The  icicle  was thrust open and there was a huge  ball cap  with hair all over his  belly button . It was my father. “Hi, we’re home,” he said  snappily . “Hope you weren’t afraid of staying home alone.” “No,” I said, lying through my  ancles .

After a decent night of rest, Chris and I departed from the Gaylord KOA and headed back out onto the open road. In less than an hour, we came to the Mackinac Bridge in upstate Michigan. It reminded me of the Golden Gate in San Francisco because of it’s size, but it still didn’t fully compare. A cool bridge with a beautiful view none-the-less. After cross the bridge, we started along Interstate #2 along the north shores of Lake Michigan. Interstate #2 is going to take us all the way to Montana, so not much need for the maps anymore. Well, to find campgrounds, but thats it.

At 12:15pm we stopped for lunch on a beach along Lake Michigan. What a nice place. We had apples, cheese, and graham crackers for lunch today. Mmm. After a quick break, we’re back on the road where Chris gets to demonstrate (again) his aggression behind the wheel. We also hit the central time zone today, so at 1:45pm we jumped back an hour to 12:45pm. At around 1:24pm interstate #2 takes a quick jump into Wisconsin, but about ten minutes later, we were back in Michigan.

We drove and drove today. At 4:44pm the temperature jumped from 28 to 32, so we were back into the temperature we had been getting used to. We later grabbed a campsite at Top ‘O The Morn’ Campground in Iron River, Wisconsin. Somewhere along the line we passed into Wisconsin for the second time, but I missed it as I probably had my eyes closed. This campground was also quite nice. We pulled out the ball gloves and tossed the ball around for a bit, then headed to the lake for a swim. Reminded me of swimming back home in Sydenham. No more salt water, but plenty of seaweed and fish. It was great. We had chicken and beans for the second night in a row, then played some Yahtzee. Only two more days to go.

Pancakes for breakfast at Kelly’s this morning. Chris and Kelly had plain while I decided to drop some chocolate chips into mine. Mmm, good. Despite having the pancakes, however, today is a sad day. Today we departed from Kelly for the last time, not knowing if or when we would ever meet up with her again. Its back to reality for Kelly now and soon for Chris and I as well.

Kelly, thank you so much for the wonderful time. You were a blast to hang out with and you made the trip worth while. We roughed it at times and you stuck with us and you were always there to calm the moments of frustration. The memories you helped create are enough to last a lifetime and for that, you will always be a great friend and never forgotten. Hopefully at some point down the road (pun intended) we can get together again and create some more lasting memories while remembering the time we packed ourselves into a Jeep and drove around the country together. It may have been 43 days this time, but you are the kind of person someone could travel with forever.

Well, back on the road. Not far for Chris and I today as we headed to Guelph, Ontario to hang out with some more friends we haven’t seen in a while. We played 9-hole round of golf with our friend Ted before returning to his place to play some poker and have dinner with him and his girlfriend Danielle. That evening we hit the town for pool, drinks, free pizza, and good times. Oh yeah, the good times were finalized when we got pulled over on the way home thanks to some yelling out the car window… *caugh, Ted, caugh*. Danielle was our designated driver, so we got to go free after the officer quizzed her. We laughed afterwards. An afternoon and evening well spent in Guelph. Thanks Ted and D.

Well, it’s been nine days since we returned to our hometown. Instead of giving a summary for each day (as I did very little for some days and don’t know what the others did) I’m simply going to give a summary of what I did over the last nine days.

Most of my days consisted of waking up, having breakfast, and then hanging out in and by the pool. I bought some CDs as well and backed up all of the photos I took. 16 CDs for the raw format and 4 for the JPEGs (of which I burned for Kelly). With the Tour De France on television, I rotated throughout the day between watching the television and swimming. I played a round of golf with my friend Jeremys, Craig, and Jeff on the Monday. I hadn’t swung a club in almost 2.5 years, so I was a tad rusty. It was good to get back at it though. I have my clubs back home in Calgary and really want to hit up some links after I return.

Anyway, other than trying to gain back the 7.5 pounds I lost on our 45 day drive, I didn’t do a whole lot. I got to see my grandfather and my aunt and uncle for dinner and played some poker with Chris and our friend Jeremy. On Saturday the 22nd, Chris and I attended the first wedding of our high school friends. Good times. Open bar from 2:30pm to 1:00am. It was great to see friends I hadn’t seen in years and I even ripped up the dance floor a couple of times. Something I don’t normally do. Congratulations Erin and Adam! All the best in your years to come!

So, after being home for nine days, it is now time to complete the trip. At 9:30am this morning after saying good-bye to our families, we headed out on the road to Kelly’s in Toronto. We got there around 12:30pm and spent the afternoon checking out a couple of sites in the city. We met up with my younger brother at Union Station and headed to the CN Tower. I had never gone up it before, so we figured we’d do it so that we could at least say we did. I mean common, it is the tallest building in the world. The view was similar to most other towers we went up (Space Needle, Stratosphere, and Calgary tower). What the CN Tower has that no other tower has, is the glass floor. Pretty cool. Lots of people were scared to walk over it, but most were not. People were laying down and taking photos while others jumped on the glass to prove their courage. Chris and I walked out, but Kelly merely took a few steps before stepping back. It was pretty neat.

After the CN Tower we headed to the Hockey Hall of Fame. My brother decided to depart as he wasn’t much for museum-style activities, so Chris, Kelly and myself spent just over an hour checking out the history of hockey.

Not wanting to walk anymore, we headed back to Kelly’s house where we spent the evening. We had spaghetti and meatballs for dinner and watched a movie. Oh and we watched a slide show of all of our photos while remembering the trip. It took almost 2.5 hours to go through. It was fun to look back at the things we had done and what we had seen. Something we will all surely remember for the rest of our lives.

Another day of driving with Kelly leading off. Our sights are set on yet another beach today, Virginia Beach. After waking up to Chris and Kelly going at the pinching, again, we had our routine morning and headed out.

At 10:36am we saw a chain gain working on the side of the highway. There was a large man with a rifle watching over them, just like in the movies. At 12:10pm, we entered into Virginia. At 2:30pm, we entered into Virginia Beach. We grab a campsite at the KOA and then head off to the beach, of course. This is potentially our last beach, so we made the best of it.

Virginia Beach is a very long, very busy beach. It was the busiest beach of the trip (with Nokomis Beach close behind) and the constant whistles of the lifeguards was a tad annoying. We didn’t stick around in the water long because it was littered with jellyfish. Not large ones, but enough to keep us from wanting to spend too much time in the water. Some people were picking them up in their hands. We certainly were not. After the beach, we went for a walk to check out some of the shops that line the main street. They were all pretty much the same, selling t-shirts, towels, boogie boards, and many other touristy-type souvenires.

Back at camp, we had to roast our hotdogs because there was no grill. Kelly and I cooked ours on sticks while Chris opted for the aluminum foil method. In Yahtzee tonight, Chris rolled two. Yes two.